I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
