he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
