dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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