After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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