Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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