She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just high enough for therapy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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