I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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