One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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