He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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