ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
