How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You made out with two different species that night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
3 2 1 whiskey
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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