Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
