white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
