I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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