So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
