Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
should my penis look like a turkey
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
