why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
