He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
