New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
