Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
