she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
