At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
