Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
