Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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