My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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