i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
