It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if only i could text you this smell
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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