It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
