I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
