We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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