She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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