Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
