I think I am morally bankrupt
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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