im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
