chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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