I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
