In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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