You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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