the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
