I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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