i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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