Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize