He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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