there was a trapeze. enough said
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
