guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
