I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
