So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
