i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize