she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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