he thought i was a dude.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
