also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
