I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
