The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
