I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
