ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
