hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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