i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
