i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
