what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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