2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
