Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
