Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
