I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Semen is not good for contacts.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
