I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
