from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
