my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
the raccoons are back...
Randomize