We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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