i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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