The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
