The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My ass is underappreciated
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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