So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
