hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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